Goodbye Again
by Stand In Girl
Summary: A year later and Alec remembers what he tried so hard to forget. Alec angst, with some Max thrown in for fun.


**Title:** Goodbye Again

**Disclaimer**: If I owned them, my name would probably crop up in a few more disclaimers. So, sadly, the characters do not belong to me.

**Rating:** T-ish?

**Summary:** A year later and Alec remembers.

**Author's note:** My goal was to write a really emotional stand-alone piece. I love reading touching, poignant pieces by other authors, and I decided to take a crack at it. If you have the time, I'd love to hear whether or not you think I've reached my goal. Also, I'm looking for a beta-ish type person for a new story of mine; my first chapter fic! If you're interested, PM me and I'll give you the details!

**Goodbye Again**

It was a beautiful day; one of those rare occasions when Seattle offered the tiniest glimpse of sunlight. The rays snuck through the patchy clouds and sent flickers of light dancing across the city. A light wind ruffled the leaves in the trees and cooled the air, and for once no rain fell from the sky.

Alec wished it would rain. Standing there, surrounded by colorful trees and large slabs of stone, Alec wished the weather wasn't so perfect. It seemed to mock him, making the day enjoyable for almost everyone.

He was alone in his sorrow.

Or perhaps not quite so alone. He knew that somewhere not far away, a father was grieving the loss of his daughter.

Alec also knew that he shouldn't have come. He had been warned exactly a year ago to stay far, far away. And he knew he didn't deserve even the courtesy of visiting her grave. But he couldn't leave her here, alone on such a beautiful day.

"I'm sorry," His whisper was soft and broken as the wind picked it up and carried it away.

Under her name, her headstone read, "Beloved daughter." True as it was, it didn't hint that she had been anything more than that. Alec felt a cruel, baseless jealousy that Berrisford had claimed her in such a way. She had been so much more. She had been the first person to show Alec that not all life revolved around following orders. Her existence had revolved around happiness and kindness and a need to view the world brightly and optimistically, despite all the bad.

She had been his first friend, his first love, his first savior.

"You shouldn't have snuck out."

Alec didn't flinch as her voice reached his ears; he had known she had been following since he had left. Better to let her tag along than to argue with her and waste time. Rachel was alone and this horrible, beautiful day wouldn't last forever.

"You shouldn't have followed me, Max." His voice was harsh, though quite not as shattered as before. He could control himself that much.

He hated Max a little for not leaving him alone in his grief. He could let her slip from his mind as she hid in the bushes and waited for him, but he wouldn't allow himself to be so open and heartbroken when she was there, standing right next to him. And because it was Max, of course she couldn't have turned her back and twiddled her thumbs until he was done saying goodbye. No, she was ballsy enough to walk right out in the open and try to join him.

"Want to talk about her?"

He focused on Rachel's tombstone, thinking of how bleak and dismal and completely wrong it was for her. She should have something bright that reflected the sunlight on days like today.

No. She shouldn't have a tombstone at all. She should still be smiling and reflecting the light all on her own.

"Go, Max," He whispered, his voice jagged. He wouldn't fall apart in front of her again. Never again.

"Alec, please, let me help you."

"You can't," He replied honestly. "You've helped me a lot, Max, more than I care to admit. But not this. Never this."

She was upset now. He could hear the tears in her voice, and they may have been splayed across her cheeks; he didn't know because he wouldn't look at her. "Why, Alec?"

He knew why. Max was his new friend, his new love, his new savior. So different from Rachel the two females were hardly comparable. Most of the time he let himself forget and enjoy his life with Max. But not today. He had to pay his respects to his first. "Just go."

He finally glanced at her, and she looked just as he thought she would. Beautiful and sad, with tear tracks staining her smooth skin and eyes that seemed almost as haunted as his. Almost.

She finally nodded and turned, her footsteps barely making a sound on the lush grass that covered the cemetery.

When he was finally alone, he bowed his head and released the tears welling up behind his eyes. He would never forget Rachel, and he would never let anyone help with the pain and guilt her death brought. It was his cross to bear, and his alone.

He would forever pay his price for not fighting harder.

_**---------**_

Max walked away, but she refused to go very far. She stopped just past the line of trees that bordered the cemetery, her head bent and her hands clenched into shaking fists.

She hated seeing him like this. His motionless stance, straight-backed and proud because he didn't know any other way to hold himself, radiated pain and sorrow. She was afraid it would kill him, although she knew medically it was nearly impossible to die of a broken heart.

_Or is it?_ She pondered dismally. _With transgenics, who really knows?_

Angry, echoing footsteps interrupted her thoughts, and she turned quickly, her fists rising and her stance becoming defensive. She dropped the pose as her eyes landed on the person behind the noise, although her body remained tense.

Robert Berrisford returned her gaze, looking older, sadder and wearier than she'd last seen him. But he still looked angry. In fact, he looked every bit as furious as he had the night he had held a gun to Alec's head.

"Don't." Her voice was harsh and commanding. Partly because in the last year she had grown accustomed to being a military leader and partly because she knew instinctively what Berrisford was about it do, and it was imperative that he didn't.

"_Don't_?" He spat, his eyes filling with unspeakable anger. "Don't what? Don't remove my daughter's murderer from her gravesite?"

He continued to march past, but Max reached out a single hand and gripped his arm. He stopped mid-step and jerked away from her grasp. She tightened her hold until he realized he couldn't do anywhere.

"I remember you now," Berrisford said, ceasing his pointless struggling. "You stopped me from killing him that night. Quite the strong one, aren't you?" He didn't wait for an answer as he continued, "Tell me, how many innocent people have you targeted? How many have you killed?"

"None," Max replied, her tone deceivingly casual. "See, I broke out before they were training us for solo ops. Damn lucky, too."

He looked surprised.

"Did no one ever tell you, Berrisford?" She shook her head, her grip still strong on his arm. "I get why you hate him. I'm not going to try to explain everything away. Truth is, he was probably sent to kill you. Maybe your daughter, too, I don't know. He's never told me." He voice roughened slightly, "But he did love her, and he tried to save her. And he'll always hate himself because he couldn't."

He was shaking with unsuppressed rage. "You admitted he was sent to destroy my family. A monster like him can't feel those kinds of emotions."

Max raised a brow. "Can't we?" He stiffened slightly, realizing he had just called his captor a monster. She chose not to continue on that topic, and instead said, "I could explain the tortures we went through when we were kids. I could explain Manticore's policy on failure and what they did to him because he tried to save her. But I doubt anything can change your mind."

She glanced back at the tall form casting shadows on Rachel's grave. Berrisford's eyes followed hers, and he visibly stiffened. They both stood silently and watched as Alec's head bowed and tears slid slowly down his cheeks.

Max blinked her own moist eyes and said, "But let him do this. Let him say goodbye again. Let him apologize."

She released him, surprising the man and nearly knocking him off balance. His gaze flickered from Alec's silhouette to Max's face and back again, until finally he seemed to reach a conclusion.

"I want him out of here in five minutes." He said curtly, turning on his heel and walking away. Max followed his progress for a little while, making sure he wouldn't double back and upset Alec. Then she turned her gaze to Rachel's grave one more time, only to find the space empty. Alec was gone.

Max smiled sadly, and then called over her shoulder, "That won't be necessary."

Then she too disappeared quietly into the shadows, making her way back to Terminal City and praying Alec would be there waiting for her.

**End**


End file.
